A shred of hope.

As you may have guessed (as if there were someone actually reading this) the operating systems assignment didn't go well. Let's leave it at that. I also have to mention how I bombed a math exam and a network security exam.

There are only five weeks of classes left and I'm pretty sure I have failing grades in all my classes except one. This doesn't give me much time to catch up, but it can be done if I stop playing video games and start doing work.

I deleted League of Legends. I should be okay.
I also picked up a partner for my operating systems class. I'm not sure how to say this without sounding like a creep, but I have been inspired by his work. Working with him will make me a better programmer. Also, I'm worried that if I don't keep up, he'll drop me as a partner. This should help ignite that fire that I've been searching for.

Time for shower/bed. I think I'll wake up early tomorrow to go for a run to start my day off right before class. I'll let you know how it goes.

I didn't throw in the towel; I walked away.

I quit that job. They weren't doing good. I never finished my application. I can't keep focus and it's frustrating me.

I got my rank up in League of Legends. I started Star Craft 2 again. I watched 3 seasons of Breaking Bad. I've been keeping up with The Walking Dead. I haven't done any actual work.

I'm sitting here on a day I took off from school to do work. Obviously, I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Not a lick of work has been done and it has stacked sky high. The more work I have on my plate, the less I am able to do.

Halfway through the semester, I am at the point where I need to either pull myself together or completely fall to pieces. It's so easy to say that I'll get my act together; that I'll stop playing video games and spend my time productively. Then I'm sitting here staring at my monitor wishing there was a game running.

If only Operating Systems were half as interesting as League of Legends I'd be acing that class. Damn you, Eugene Stark.

I'm going to "do some work" now. Wish me luck.

More than I bargained for.

Going into this I thought I'd have to spend a little bit of time planning and a little bit of time writing code then I'd have an ugly little prototype.

Turns out I'm going to have to work a whole lot harder for ugly.

JSP isn't just learning how to take Java and apply it to HTML tags.
The setup alone took me half a day to figure out. The learning is clearly going to be the largest chunk of development time on this project. I don't know if I'm going to have that kind of time after this week.

Now if I can just fight the tiring effect of that muscle relaxer I took for my back, I should be able to setup my first dynamic page. If I figure that much out and have a working database, I should have all the pieces short of visual design.

Here we go.

So I can't get off the idea that I could help the company I'm working for.
I truly deep down believe it.

They battle with complete lack of organization, poor planning and lack of a pricing structure.
A simple web based application could take care of all of this and do some managing too.

All it has to do is keep track of projects from the point of a lead to completion.
There must be an owner of the project, he's the project manager.
The project manager assigns tasks to other users (designer, permitter, etc.)

Users can post status updates, such as "called and left a message" with a time stamp.
Once they've completed a task, they mark it as complete and the project manager is notified.

Another important thing is pricing. There must be a guide to pricing out quotes.
Common things like awnings, would be completely automated based on size of the awning.
It would give a range of prices based on amount of time to design, construct and install the awning. The range must also take into account the different types of materials that could be used.

I'm not certain that I could help this company.
It's pretty clear that I should be trying.

So close, so far.

I feel like I should be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
There's just too many things getting in the way of that.

My complete lack of a social life, my debt, my scrawny 10 year-old-boy body, my empty portfolio. Everything just gets in the way of the fact that I won't be stuck in this rut for too much longer. I won't have the pressures of project deadlines; the life of an undergraduate. I won't have the less-than-perfect schedule.

But where will I be? What do average grades and absolutely no polished works get me? Who's going to hire someone who only pays attention to part of the material, and how do I sell myself when I've got so many doubts?

Clearly, I'm not the worst at what I do. I've made it this far with all the challenges along the way. The person sitting on the other side of the table must deem me competent though. How am I supposed to convince them that I am while I don't believe it myself?

The worst part of it all is that I don't know what course to take from here. I should be applying for as many jobs as I can right now, I think. Or, I should be fixing up my old projects and get them ready to show my interviewer. Or, I should be starting something new, something exciting. Or, I should be drinking and doing drugs and try to enjoy the last semester of my college life like the frat guys at that school I failed out of.

One things for sure; all of those new video games are not going to help me find what I want.